Recipients Unaware
by Nitrowugs
Summary: Near the end of their lives, Buffy and Angel each write a letter to the other, knowing full well that neither letter will ever be received.


Recipients Unaware

Author: Nitrowugs

Rating: T (maybe)

Pairings: B/A

Feedback: Please. Constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with BtVS and AtS. Characters, plots, and dialogue from the shows are borrowed with no infringement intent whatsoever.

Distribution: Please ask and let me know where it's going.

Written: 04/27/2014

Summary: Near the end of their lives, Buffy and Angel each write a letter to the other, knowing full well that neither letter will ever be received.

A/N1: Future fic long after the end of both television shows.

Part 1 - Buffy's Letter

Angel,

I look at life and love through different eyes now, very different from those of years ago, when love was new and I was so very young. Even though you lived in darkness, I thought that the sun rose and set in your eyes, that your heart and soul were the most beautiful that I would ever encounter and the love that I felt for you would endure not only as long as I lived, but throughout all the ages to come. In just a few short years, I learned, very painfully, what a fallacy my view of the future had been.

The last time I saw you in Sunnydale all those years ago, your final words to me gave me hope for the future, for a time when we would be together and could finally live out our lives together. With every year that passed, that hope dimmed.

Through the demon grapevine, I learned that you survived the destruction of Los Angeles. When I mentioned this to Giles, he admitted to me the words that Andrew and he had spoken to you. You must know that if I had known, there is no way that I would not have come. We had an army of slayers at that time who could have made a tremendous difference.

After Sunnydale and LA were restored, I decided to return to the US and to live out my life in California. I never saw you again, but I heard stories of you, that you were still fighting the good fight.

I met your son. He and I became good friends. He married and has a big family of which I am a part. Giles, Willow and Xander also married and have families. I guess Europe agrees with them; they never returned to the US.

I now approach the end of my life. I believe that, unlike the last time, this time you will feel when I die. Do not grieve for me, but rejoice, for I know that I will return home, at last, where I will be waiting for you.

Buffy

Part 2 - Angel's Letter

Buffy,

It's true, I turned to others as the gap between us spread farther and wider, as you moved farther and farther away. I made every possible effort not to look back, not to dwell on what might have been. Sometimes I succeeded in convincing myself that I made the right decision, that it was not a mistake to leave you, that I didn't deserve the happiness that the Gem of Amara could have brought, that I didn't have the right to ask the Oracles or the Furies or even Willow to bind my soul, none of these things, because I hadn't earned anything; I didn't deserve any happiness because of the things I had done.

Shanshu was a lie; it was never meant to be. After the final End of Days battle was over and I did not Shanshu, I went to the restored Oracles to find out why. They were honest with me for the first time.

They showed me what my true future would have been had they not turned back the day that I was human and we spent together: Dawn would have never come to this dimension as the key so Glorificus would not have come here looking for it, you would not have died, you and I would have married and would have taken residency in the mansion where we had a family – three beautiful children – and lived out our lives happily together, Giles, Willow and Wesley would have been successful in closing the hellmouth and the First Evil would not have returned to Sunnydale.

When they admitted that Shanshu was just a ruse to keep me fighting on their side by eliminating demons that did not work for them, that they were not really Oracles for the Powers at all, but that they actually worked for the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart and the visions came directly from them, I lost it. They must have been expecting my reaction, because I was told that their work in this dimension was finished and I was ejected from their environment permanently.

Since then I have traveled the world killing every evil demon I could find.

In the past few months I have felt the link between us get weaker and weaker as we continued to stretch our bond. Then a week ago, I felt you die. I haven't eaten since that day and I am very weak. I am leaving now to fight a demon that I could not have defeated on my best day, but I have the means to kill it now and even though it will cause me my life, I take pleasure in knowing that my last act will be something that benefited mankind.

I have asked myself often: If the Powers That Be are so forgiving, why couldn't they have forgiven me?

I pray that when I open my eyes again, I will be with you.

Angel


End file.
